Survivor's Guilt
by Starry Eyed Traveller
Summary: After Sam's death in Undone, Mac confronts Evan about everything he has ruined and everything he's never known he had. Mac/Sam, Evan/Dylan


AN: Just a little something I wrote for a school project. In my mind, Mac did not react nearly as badly to Samantha's death as I thought he should. This is my idea on a rather brutal confrontation they may have had later on. The ending switches over from Evan and Mac interaction to Evan and Dylan interaction, becuase I ship those two so hard. :) This also contains slight A-bashing. Any mistakes are my own, and no flames please.

Pairings: Mac/Sam, Evan/Dylan, mentioned Evan/Angie

* * *

Evan leaned against the cold, hard railing overlooking Vancouver Harbour and choked back a sob. The day had just been too much. First Bill, then…Sam. Evan shuddered as images of Samantha's blood-splattered corpse bombarded his mind's eye. It was inconceivable to think that someone he had known for so many years was now dead. Dead, lying on a flat, mundane table in the morgue in the TANK's basement. Dead at the claws of a creature from millions of years ago. He thought of the anguished expression on Mac's face when he had laid eyes on Sam's body. Although Mac had carefully disguised his grief as rage, Evan knew that the tears he had seen clouding Mac's eyes when he had fallen to his knees beside Sam had not been a figment of his imagination. Poor Mac, he has been so in love with Sam. Evan shut his eyes in a futile attempt to forget Mac wrapping the extra key to his apartment around Sam's cold hand. Evan hung his head and wept. It was all his fault. He had lied to two people who had trusted him. Now they were dead. Now nothing could bring them back.

"You bastard." Evan jolted upright to see a tall figure silhouetted by the streetlights of the harbor. The figure moved towards him and through his tears Evan recognized it as Mac, sporting his trademark leather jacket and a grief-ridden scowl. "Mac…" Evan breathed.

"This is all your fault, you know that? It's your fault she's dead!" Mac advanced toward Evan at an alarming speed, "If you had warned her or Bill, neither of them would be dead. My girlfriend would still be alive!" Mac grabbed Evan's arms and shook him harshly. Evan pushed him off. Undeterred, Mac pulled back his arm and let it fly, his curled fist hitting Evan squarely in the nose. Clutching his face, Evan tumbled to the ground. He winced as he felt crushed bone shift and blood begin to seep from his nostrils. He looked up and saw Mac standing over him, his fists still tightly clenched. The man stood tall with all the rage of the devil possessing him.

"You prick! I told you not to involve her! I didn't want her to get hurt; I wanted to keep her safe! But no, you just had to rope her in with your stupid, secret TANK project! Now she's dead! It's all your fault! Everyone around you dies!"

Evan slowly climbed to his feet while Mac screamed bloody murder at him. Even under the oppressing guilt that Mac's accusations inflicted, Evan felt a flash of rage flare up in his heart. He glared at Mac angrily; his eyes now clear of tears. The offending Brit barely noticed as he was too immersed in venting his grief out loud.

" –It's your fault! It's because of you she's dead! Because of you I've lost Sam –!"

"And I lost Brooke!" Evan roared. His sudden outburst startled Mac into silence. When he made no attempt to reply, Evan continued. "Don't you realize that that's how this all started? It's why you're here, why I'm here! My Brooke was killed too! You're the lucky one here! You didn't have to watch your wife have her head ripped off by an Albertosaurus! So don't you dare think that you're the only one who's hurting. I've lost someone I love too! You lost Sam, but I lost Brooke."

Mac stared at him. The Brit seemed to have been shocked into stillness by Evan's tirade. He looked down at the ground, fiddling with the cuff of his leather jacket. Evan, panting, turned and leaned heavily on the railing overlooking the harbour.

"Look Mac," he gasped, his voice seeping with grief and exhaustion. "I want this to stop as much as you do. Brooke, Bill, Sam, everyone we couldn't save. There's been too much death already." Evan turned and looked Mac straight in the eye, "But if we don't keep the anomalies under control more dinosaurs will come through and more people will die. That's why we're doing this. To protect innocent people, no matter what the cost."

"Sam was innocent."

"You know what I mean."

Mac broke gaze again, slightly pacified but still breathing hard. There was a long silence between the two men. Evan watched as Mac backed up a few steps, grasping at his scalp and gazing mournfully out over the water, as if Samantha was going to rise up out of it and come back to him. Evan wondered if he should say something but he decided to let Mac be the one to break the silence. Eventually he did.

"You don't understand Evan." Mac spoke so quietly Evan almost didn't hear him, "You have someone now. Someone to soften the blow. You don't understand what it's like to have no one!"

"What? Wait, what are you talking about? I haven't loved anyone since I lost Brooke. Who are you talking about" Evan exclaimed.

"I'm talking about Dylan!" Mac cried, exasperated. "Have you seriously not noticed how she looks at you? She cares about you, a whole lot more than you think." Mac's penetrating glare filled Evan with guilt, remorse, and a strange sense of denial.

"Are you crazy? Dylan's my friend. She's my employee, my comrade even! But nothing more. Besides," Evan whirled around not wanting Mac to the see bewilderment painting his face. "I don't think she'll stick around. No one wants to see –" Before he could finish his sentence Evan felt himself being shoved against the cold railing. Mac restrained Evan by knotting his fists in the other man's shirt collar. His face only inches from Evan's, Mac hissed at him, "You're a moron, you know that? You would reject someone who would offer you all of them? Do you have any idea what I would give up to have what you have with Dylan? Dylan loves you. Just like I loved Sam." Mac loosened his grip on Evan slightly, lowering his eyes to stare at the cement below their feet. "I know Angie's planning to leave," Mac mumbled, "I know you haven't realized it yet, but like it or not Dylan is the one who is going to stay with you." He looked up to meet Evan's eyes accusingly. "It's not fair, what you're doing to her. Forcing her to watch as you futilely chase after Angie like a puppy. I'm warning you. Angie will leave you and when you crash and burn because of it, Dylan will be the one who picks you up. You know I won't, not after this. It'll all be her. So the least you could do is show her some appreciation in the meantime." Mac pushed himself away from Evan using the other man's shoulders as propulsion.

"Evan, you think you're the only one who's lost someone important. Well I lost the woman I love today. Unlike you, I don't have anyone who loves me to fall back on. And that's your fault. You'd better remember that. Man up and get your act together. Maybe then the people I care about will stop dying for you."

Evan stretched out his hand pitifully toward Mac. He wished he could offer the other man some form of comfort. Mac rejected him however, showing away Evan's hand before shamefully wiping a few stray tears off his cheek. "I'm not coming to work tomorrow." Mac choked, his tough façade finally cracking. Evan nodded numbly. He was too exhausted, emotionally and physically, to try to talk to Mac. He said nothing as the other man turned on him and retreated back into the shadows of Vancouver City.

Only then did Evan allow himself to break, sliding to the cold cement ground. He curled in a ball as best he could, once again letting the tears fall. Evan raised a hand to his face to wipe away his tears but cried out when his hand brushed against his broken nose. In his verbal fight with Mac he had completely forgot about the punch that had broken his nose and the blood that covered his lower face because of it. Fumbling for his phone, Evan managed to pull it out of his pocket with shaky hands. He scrolled through his contacts and stopped at Angie's name. As he was about to press Call, Mac's angry words rolled through his head. Evan stared at the words on his screen. Never before had a name and a button looked so intimidating, so threatening. As if pressing Call would unravel everything in his life that he had worked so hard to restore after the death of his wife. After a minute of staring at his phone, his genius brain fluttering with mistakes and possibilities and reasons, Evan pushed the exit button and dialed Dylan Weir.

"Hello?" Evan sighed in relief at the sleepy, feminine tone that answered him. "Evan? Is this you? It's one in the morning. "

"Yeah, hi Dylan. Sorry for calling you so late, but, uh," Evan stumbled over his words.

"Evan, are you okay?" He nearly started crying again at the concern he could hear so evidently in her voice.

"Not really," He responded, "I…I got into a fight on the waterfront."

"Oh my gosh, Evan are you hurt?" Dylan exclaimed worriedly. Evan winced, "Yeah, I think my nose is broken. Do you mind coming to…pick me up? I kind of need to go to a hospital." Already he could hear movement on the other end of the line.

"Of course Evan, anytime. I'll be right there. Just stay put, okay? I'm going to come get you."

Now that Mac had brought his guilt, remorse, and general stupidity to light, Evan was distraught at the fact that he had been too blind to see Dylan earlier. She _was_ always there for him, even when he was being an overall idiot. It was Dylan who went after anomalies with him, who he faced danger with every day. Dylan was the one who had his back. And now it was Dylan, not Angie, who he was calling at 1 a.m. to drive him to a hospital. That had to mean something. He had just been too blind to notice.

"Evan? Evan, you still there? I'm on my way, just hang tight." Dylan's voice pulled Evan back to reality. "Yeah," he rasped. "I'm still here."

"Good. Now –"

"Dylan?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For everything."

"No problem Evan. Anything you need, I'll always be here for you."

Even with the monsters, the time-anomalies, the death and loss of friends, Dylan had promised to stand by him, when even Mac and Angie wouldn't. On that night at the harbour after Mac had left him to be buried in guilt he so acutely felt, Evan knew that he still had one friend left. Someone who wouldn't hate him for the death he caused. Someone who had promised him what he'd never seen before. Someone who had sworn never to leave him. A lot of people said that, but not all had been honest. Evan knew she was the one who was telling the truth.

Unlike everyone else, she was the one he would make sure the monsters never hurt.

He'd like to see them try.


End file.
